Have you ever wondered, “Why is my boyfriend only affectionate in bed?”
As a lady, the affection of your lover is important to you, and it’s a sign that he genuinely loves you.
These days, some guys are just after being intimate with their girlfriends and then leaving them.
It is on record that most relationships that are sexually inclined don’t last.
Due to this, most women get afraid when their boyfriends are only affectionate in bed.
Is your man in the category of men who are only affectionate in bed?
And you’re asking, “Why is my boyfriend only affectionate in bed?”
In this article, you’ll learn why your boyfriend is not affectionate outside the bedroom and what you can do about it.
Why Is My Boyfriend Only Affectionate In Bed?: 7 Likely Reasons
Obviously, no lady wants her boyfriend to be affectionate only in bed.
If your boyfriend is fond of doing this, it can cause problems in the relationship.
Sometimes, it can even result in a breakup situation.
Here are some likely reasons he’s doing it:
- YOU ALLOWED THE LOVE TO DWINDLE
Why is my boyfriend only affectionate in bed
A possible reason why your boyfriend is only affectionate in bed is that you both let the spark and love between you diminish.
Whether you started as friends or it was love at first sight, love has never been and will never be on autopilot.
This means that love doesn’t remain the same, grow, or reduce without conscious or unconscious positive or negative efforts between the parties involved.
The chance of you and your boyfriend growing apart is high if you don’t invest conscious efforts into the growth of your love and relationship.
I need you to know that sex doesn’t need a genuine emotional connection or even love to happen.
Love and friendship help couples connect inside and outside the bedroom.
You’ll notice that once the friendship and connection is no longer there, what will be left will be a simple drive to get intimate to satisfy sexual urges.
Sadly, the drive has nothing to do with you.
Some men can love a woman and still be intimate with another woman in a heartbeat.
But you can still do something about it.
Could you start by retracing your steps to when you stopped investing in your relationship?
If you and your boyfriend can work together consciously to reignite the spark and love in your relationship.
- HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU
Why is my boyfriend only affectionate in bed
If your boyfriend is only affectionate in bed, it may be that he doesn’t love you, and this point can go two ways.
Perhaps your relationship is still in its early stages.
But if a guy you just started seeing is only interested in bedroom affairs, it’s a screaming red flag.
There’s a high chance he’s only hanging around and giving you attention to get down with you.
Another angle is that he doesn’t love you anymore.
While this can be heartbreaking to discover, it happens.
He may even have someone else he’s more connected with emotionally.
And if he’s already in the talking stage with another woman, it’s possible he won’t breathe a word of it to you until he’s sure that he’s ready to let you go.
- HE DOESN’T KNOW BETTER
Why is my boyfriend only affectionate in bed
Your boyfriend might be only affectionate in bed because he doesn’t know any better, all thanks to society’s influence.
Some ancient ideologies reduce women’s value to satisfying men and maintaining homes.
Even though this is a wrong mentality, it exists up to this day, and because of it, some men see sex as a major part of what a woman needs.
But realistically, love should embody both physical and emotional affection.
You can speak with your man and let him know how you truly feel.
Tell him you feel neglected, and he should show you more affection that isn’t necessarily sexual.
- YOU DON’T SPEND ENOUGH TIME TOGETHER
Why is my boyfriend only affectionate in bed
Perhaps you don’t spend enough time together with your boyfriend.
You may be together, but you’re not literally together.
I mean, you can be present together in the same space, e.g., the home, but you’re both in different worlds – probably carried away by what you’re doing on your devices.
You don’t have conversations, fights, or misunderstandings, yet you’re in the same space.
Technology is fantastic, but if you’re not careful, it’ll replace friendship, companionship, and intimacy in your relationship.
You’ll notice that both of you can spend the whole day together at home but won’t have meaningful conversations because you are both engrossed in your devices.
You’re growing apart without even noticing.
Please speak with your boyfriend about it.
You both can come up with fun activities that incorporate your interests so that you’ll indulge together and have personal time occasionally.
- THERE’S A PROBLEM IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP
Why is my boyfriend only affectionate in bed
If your boyfriend is only affectionate in bed, there may be a hatchet that’s yet to be buried in your relationship.
Refresh your memory quickly to know when and what exactly went wrong.
It’s most likely that the problem started from there, and now, he’s stiff outside the bedroom.
As we said earlier, sex can happen without love or attachment.
So, if he’s still hurting from a problem that happened in the past, he may find it hard to touch you, communicate cordially, or even establish a solid emotional connection with you.
Sometimes, your heart must be fully present and affectionate outside the bedroom.
You can have a heartfelt conversation with him where you trash whatever problem you’re having so that all will be well with your relationship.
- HE’S GOING THROUGH A LOT LATELY
Why is my boyfriend only affectionate in bed
Another possible reason your boyfriend is only affectionate in bed is that he has a lot on his plate lately.
Life happens.
If his job is demanding, your relationship will feel some of the heat.
So, his being unaffectionate outside the bedroom may not be intentional.
I understand you’re frustrated with feeling like just an object of pleasure to your boyfriend, which isn’t cool.
- YOU GAVE HIM THE IMPRESSION THAT SEX IS ALL YOU WANT
Well, well, well…
Even though you are complaining about how your boyfriend treats you like a sex object, you need to consider the likelihood that it is your fault.
What is the foundation of your relationship?
How did you start?
Some relationships kick off after a one-night stand; if yours is one of such, you can’t blame him.
People treat us the way we permit them to.
If, in previous times, you have subtly or clearly expressed that your priority in the relationship is sex, if your boyfriend only wants a physical relationship, he will go all out.
He might be affectionate only in bed because that’s all he has to offer you.
“Why Is My Boyfriend Only Affectionate In Bed?”: What To Do
If your boyfriend is only affectionate in bed, you have quite the situation.
You must take the initiative and try to make your relationship work again; if not, it’s headed for the rocks.
Here are some things you can do to salvage the situation:
- HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND
Why is my boyfriend only affectionate in bed
Communication is the first step towards solving any problem, no matter how difficult it may seem.
If your boyfriend is only affectionate in bed, you need to speak with him and find out the reason(s) for his actions.
Next, ask him what he really wants from you and the relationship moving forward.
Listening to his reasons will help you see from his point of view and also determine your next step.
Also, with talking, you’ll move some steps towards thrashing out the underlying problems in your relationship.
- TEACH HIM HOW TO LOVE
You can help your boyfriend by telling him that there’s affection outside the bedroom, too.
If he doesn’t know how to go about it, teach him – while you’re telling him, show him also.
Here are some things you can do to teach him how to love you outside the bedroom:
Hug him occasionally around the house
Hold his hand while taking a walk
Be open with him and let him know what you’re feeling and thinking at any point
Tell him the best ways you think he can handle situations in your relationship
Please note that these are just suggestions and not foolproof.
He controls how he responds to your gestures and whether or not he wants to change.
- REORDER YOUR PRIORITIES
If you are bothered that he is more affectionate only in the bedroom, it means you are not satisfied with your relationship.
This is the best time to return to the drawing board to reorder your priorities.
Many times, being sexually intimate before you get committed, e.g., in marriage, is like putting the cart before the horse.
You need to consider what is most important to you: sexual satisfaction or a strong friendship bond.
Such a lasting friendship bond is built outside the bedroom, making your partner see you as a unique and valuable individual beyond sex.
It may be tough initially, but nothing good comes cheap.
You’ll be glad you reordered your relationship.
Conclusion
Being affectionate in all aspects of a relationship is important.
It can be disturbing if your boyfriend is only affectionate in bed.
There are a lot of possible reasons that may be behind his actions.
In this article, you’ll find these reasons and some ways you can help make a change to make your relationship better.
I wish you all the best in your relationship.
Good luck!
