“Why can’t I get past first dates with guys?”
Does this question sound familiar to you?
Is it a question you’ve been asking yourself regularly whenever you go on first dates?
Perhaps you’ve gotten to a point in your life as a single lady where it appears that you go on first dates only.
The idea of going on second dates has seemed very elusive to you for a long time that you don’t even know what second dates feel like anymore.
It seems like you’ve already given up on being in a relationship.
I mean, how can someone who can’t go on a second date progress into a relationship?
While it might not be your fault that you’re not ever able to make it past your first dates, it’s necessary for you to know why you’re in such a situation.
Are you asking, “Why can’t I get past first dates with guys?” and actively seeking answers?
Read on to see the possible reasons why you can’t seem to get past first dates with guys.
Why Can’t I Get Past First Dates With Guys?: 7 Possible Reasons
- YOU HAVEN’T MET ANYONE WHO YOU HAVE A CONNECTION WITH
Why Can’t I Get Past First Dates With Guys?
One of the top and (probably) most frustrating and painful reasons why it seems like you can’t get past first dates with guys and progress to a second date is that you’ve not met anyone you have a connection with.
And that’s why you’re always staring at your calendar filled with future first dates and past ones with big red cancel marks.
None of the guys you’ve been meeting seem to get you.
They don’t have a basic understanding of who you are, what you’re all about and the way you do your things.
And it’s one of the basis of a relationship – a clear understanding of your intending partner and the dynamics of their personality.
Without figuring these things out, the relationship will be a war zone because both of you will never reach compromises, will never understand each other and will always be at loggerheads.
If second dates have become an exception for you instead of the rule because you’ve not met any guy who truly gets you, there’s nothing wrong with that.
Your decision is valid and well thought-out if you’ve decided not to be with anyone who doesn’t understand you well enough.
That type of relationship will be very shallow and awkward.
I don’t want that for you or anyone else, either.
- YOU’RE TOO SERIOUS ABOUT IT
Why Can’t I Get Past First Dates With Guys?
You may not get past the first dates because you take it too seriously.
I know that the ultimate goal for going on a first date is to meet someone who understands you, matches your energy, connects with you, wants to go on subsequent dates with you and gets into a relationship with you.
But, hey!
Take it easy on the strictness, being uptight and making it look like you’re interviewing your future husband.
Guys can smell desperation from a mile away, and although you may not be desperate about getting into a relationship, your uptight approach to guys on your first dates will make it look like you’re desperate.
And except a guy is willing to indulge you, guys are generally put off by desperation in their intending partners.
What you can do about this is tone down your seriousness whenever you’re stepping out on a first date.
Unburden your mind – go with a free and open mind.
Have fun with your date, and enjoy yourself to the fullest.
Most times, the best way to really know someone is by being free with them.
They’ll notice that you’re taking the date in good stride and become free with you too.
Just forget the conceptions you’ve hatched in your head and stay in the moment.
Your date will match any energy you give off.
And from your interactions, you’ll be able to tell if he’s your kind of guy.
It may be difficult for you to do if you already have a fixed mindset, but it can be your best bet at finding the love you seek.
- YOU KEEP HAVING DEJA VU ON YOUR FIRST DATES
Why Can’t I Get Past First Dates With Guys?
Perhaps you have a regular restaurant you pick whenever a potential first date asks you to choose a location.
Yes, it’ll make the date easier for you and make you comfortable on the first date because you’re in your comfort zone.
But one bad thing it’ll do to you is to make all the first dates you’ll have there boring.
Different dates, the same food, lighting, ambience, people and environment – it’ll look like you’re repeatedly reliving a particular moment of your life.
It’s called deja vu.
You must have gotten used to it, so you’ll just decide to sit it out when you should be having fun and enjoying yourself.
What you can do about it is to change location from time to time.
Explore other bars, restaurants, and outdoor sceneries.
You might be so attached to a particular location that you’ve not devoted time to notice and explore other beautiful hangout spots in your area.
Who knows?
The ones you’re yet to explore may be even better than the ones you patronise regularly.
When you switch locations, you’ll look forward to your first dates with excitement.
You’ll put in extra effort to look nice, contribute to great and lively conversations, and generally have a good time with your date.
You’ll feel yourself loosening up, relaxing and paying more attention to your date when it’s not the same old place and faces you’re used to.
And that may be the key you need to find your next boyfriend.
- YOU THINK A SECOND DATE IS MANDATORY
Why Can’t I Get Past First Dates With Guys?
Are you among the ladies who think a second date is compulsory after a first one, no matter how the first one turns out?
How wrong you are!
So, you think your date owes you a second date because he went on a first date with you?
And with this mindset, you probably won’t put your best foot forward for the first date.
What will motivate the young man to look forward to and ask for a second date?
The first step to changing this routine is to change your mindset.
A guy doesn’t automatically owe you a second date because he went on a first date with you.
Now that we have that out of the way, you can start viewing first dates as an avenue to loosen up and have fun on an evening, even for a few hours.
Once you have this mindset, you’ll find yourself going on dates for the wrong reasons.
While it’s not in your power to decide your date’s personality and match it with yours to make you both an awesome couple, it’s in your power to show how wonderful and exceptional your personality is.
Don’t hesitate to show it off at every given opportunity.
- YOU’VE GIVEN UP ON RELATIONSHIPS
Why Can’t I Get Past First Dates With Guys?
You’re not the only single person to feel that the dating pool is messed up.
But it’ll be an error on your part to give up and conclude that there’s nobody ready for a serious relationship anymore due to the countless number of relationship disasters and hookups happening everywhere.
Have you told yourself there’s no need to keep searching because you won’t find a genuine relationship?
That’s the root of your dating problem.
It’s why guys don’t indicate interest in going on second dates with you.
You act aloof and like you were forced to come to the date.
First impression is a real thing, and once a guy notices these negative vibes and body language from you, he won’t want to go further with you.
The best thing to do is to hope for the best on every first date you go to.
Have an open mind, be polite, courteous, wear a smile, be a good conversationalist, and be on your best behaviour.
Hopefully, you’ll get a genuine guy who will want to know you more.
Who knows?
You might get yourself that second date you desire.
- YOU WANT A PERFECT DATE
Why Can’t I Get Past First Dates With Guys?
Sometimes, it can be that you’re getting offers for second dates but turning them down.
In your opinion, the first dates with the guys asking for second dates were far from perfect.
You want a perfect first date, which’ll determine if you’ll go on a second date.
It’s not entirely the guy’s fault if your first date didn’t turn out as perfectly as you envisioned.
You also had it in you to help make it perfect since it’s your original vision and idea.
Now, the guys are getting ‘no’ for an answer when they ask to see you again, and you’re busy complaining that you can’t seem to get past first dates.
Sis, nothing is perfect, and perfect dates don’t make perfect relationships.
If you weren’t so bored during the date and had a lot of fun while at it, I think the guy deserves to see you again.
But if you insist on waiting for the perfect date?
Good luck to you.
- YOU’RE SCARED OF SETTLING
Why Can’t I Get Past First Dates With Guys?
Are you so scared of settling?
Settling here means going a bit below your set standards.
Don’t you think you might miss out on guys with wonderful personalities?
These guys might not have all that you want in a man, but they have most of your requirements, which doesn’t mean they’re not right for you.
Who has ever ticked all the boxes, in all honesty, anyway?
If a guy ticks most of your boxes and from your interactions, you think he’s a great guy, you might not be far from the truth.
Give him a shot if he asks to see you again after the first date.
Get rid of that fear that’s resident in you and trying to stop you from trying.
How will you get what you want if you haven’t even tried?
If he looks great and promising and asks for a second date, agree to go on a date with him.
Along the line, you’ll figure out if he’s worth going into a full-blown relationship with.
Conclusion
Why can’t I get past a first date with a guy
If you’ve read up to this point, it means that you followed through with why it seems you’re not going on second dates.
I hope you’ll implement some of the things listed in this article.
That way, asking the question, “Why can’t I get past first dates with guys” will be a thing of the past for you.
You deserve all the love and happiness you can get.
Don’t be the one to hold yourself back from getting them.
