Choosing a life partner is one of the most important decisions you will ever make.
Yes, love is good, but it’s not always blind.
I enjoy watching Love is Blind, lol, but you also have to be honest with yourself and be sure you are making the right choice.
Follow your heart, but don’t leave your head behind!
And one of the ways to not leave your head behind is by asking yourself some critical questions before walking down the aisle to ensure that you and your partner are on the same page.
Here are ten questions that you need to answer honestly before saying, ‘I do.’
Don’t Marry Someone Until You Can Honestly Answer These 8 Questions
- ARE OUR LIFE GOALS COMPATIBLE?
Don’t Marry Someone Until You Can Honestly Answer These 8 Questions
You need to consider if your life goals align.
Life goals aren’t always about career aspirations or financial objectives.
They can also encompass things like whether you want kids, where you want to live, or what kind of lifestyle you hope to lead.
For instance, if one of you dreams of a quiet suburban life while the other yearns for an adventurous, travel-filled existence, these are important discrepancies to reconcile before marriage.
Don’t think you’ll figure it out once you tie the knot.
You won’t.
People rarely change their fundamental goals and ambitions, so it’s important to make sure you’re on the same page.
If your end goals are too different, your marriage might be ending even before it starts.
- CAN I ACCEPT THEIR FLAWS?
Don’t Marry Someone Until You Can Honestly Answer These 8 Questions
Everyone, absolutely everyone on this planet, has flaws.
Nobody’s perfect, and that’s just the way it is.
Flaws can be anything like a quick temper, a tendency to be forgetful, a habit of being late, or perhaps a bit of selfishness or laziness.
So, when you’re thinking about marrying someone, you have to take a really good look at their flaws.
You need to understand that these flaws, these imperfections, are part of who they are.
Ask yourself, “Can I live with these flaws for the rest of my life without it making me unhappy or resentful?”
Can you live with that, day in and day out?
It’s also about whether or not these flaws are deal-breakers for you.
For example, some people might be okay with a partner who’s a bit messy but not with a partner who’s constantly dishonest or unfaithful.
This doesn’t mean you should expect to change their flaws.
Going into a marriage thinking you can change your partner is not a good idea.
People can change, yes, but they have to want to change.
You can’t force them to.
So, when you’re asking yourself if you can accept their flaws, you’re really asking yourself if you can love them as they are, not as you’d like them to be.
3: ARE WE FINANCIALLY COMPATIBLE?
Money is one of the biggest causes of disagreements in marriages, so you have to ask yourself if you are financially compatible.
And when I say ‘financially compatible,’ it doesn’t necessarily mean you both have the same amount of money.
It’s so much more than that.
It’s about how you handle money, your attitudes toward spending and saving, and your financial goals.
Here are some things to consider about financial compatibility:
- Spending Habits: Does one of you like to splurge on luxuries while the other prefers to save every penny?
This could lead to frequent disagreements.
You don’t have to have identical spending habits, but it’s important to find a balance and respect each other’s choices.
- Financial Goals: Do you both want to buy a house someday?
Plan to retire early?
Have kids and save for their college?
If one of you dreams of a nomadic lifestyle while the other wants stability and roots, wahala ma wa o! (there’ll be problems).
- Debt: This is a touchy subject, but it’s important.
Does one of you have significant debt?
Are you both okay with that?
Will it affect your future plans?
Debt can add a lot of stress to a relationship, so it’s crucial to have a plan on how to handle it.
- Financial Transparency: Are you both open about your finances, or will you be?
Or both of you don’t care about what either makes?
- Shared Expenses: How do you plan to handle shared costs?
Equally split?
Proportional to income?
It’s good to agree on this early on.
Just like with personal flaws, financial habits are hard to change.
Don’t enter a marriage expecting to reform a spendthrift into a saver or vice versa.
Make sure you can accept each other as you are, financially speaking.
4: HOW WELL DO WE COMMUNICATE?
Don’t Marry Someone Until You Can Honestly Answer These 8 Questions
Communication is the lifeblood of a relationship.
It’s how we express our thoughts, feelings, love, needs, and concerns to our partner.
If communication breaks down, misunderstandings can occur, resentment will build, and feelings will be hurt,
Consider if you and your partner communicate effectively.
Can you talk about your feelings openly?
Can you discuss disagreements without it escalating into a full-blown fight?
Good communication helps in resolving conflicts and building a stronger bonds.
Because life throws many challenges our way, from financial stress to health issues, family dilemmas, and more.
So being able to navigate these difficulties together depends largely on your ability to communicate effectively.
The quality of your communication sets the tone for your marriage.
5: DO WE SHARE THE SAME VALUES?
Values form the bedrock of our lives.
They influence our decisions, actions, and how we perceive the world.
Examples can include views on fidelity, honesty, family roles, and more.
If your values align, it’s easier to navigate life together.
If they don’t, hmmm, I honestly don’t see how marriage will work.
6: ARE WE SEXUALLY COMPATIBLE?
Don’t Marry Someone Until You Can Honestly Answer These 8 Questions
This topic will not be complete without discussing sex.
It’s a huge part of marriage, and it should be enjoyable for both partners.
Compatibility in this area isn’t just about physical attraction but also includes understanding how often each of you wants sex, what you both enjoy in the bedroom and what boundaries you have.
Being able to talk about sex openly, even when it’s difficult, is very key.
If there are health problems that might affect your sex life, you should be able to discuss them and find solutions.
As a Christian, I don’t support premarital sex, but I believe that it’s important to discuss what each of you expects in terms of your sexual relationship before you get married so that both of your expectations can be met.
7: HOW DOES MY PARTNER HANDLE STRESS?
We all respond to stress differently.
Some people become withdrawn, others may get easily frustrated or angry, and others might become overwhelmed and shut down.
How your partner deals with stress can affect you, your relationship, and how you both handle difficult times together.
So, observe how your partner responds under pressure.
Do they communicate and ask for help, or do they try to manage everything on their own?
Do they take their stress out on others, or do they find healthy outlets to release it?
Do they turn to harmful habits like drinking or smoking?
Understanding your partner’s stress response and how it meshes with yours will give you an idea of what to expect in marriage.
8: DO I LIKE MY PARTNER ENOUGH TO SPEND FOREVER WITH THEM?
Don’t Marry Someone Until You Can Honestly Answer These 8 Questions
When you’re considering marrying someone, it’s natural to focus on whether or not you love them.
Right?
Love is what we focus on, not like.
We think we are supposed to love our partners but like our friends.
Actually, you should not just love your partner; you should like them as well!
Liking your partner goes beyond the passion and intensity often associated with love.
It’s about genuinely enjoying their company, respecting them as an individual, appreciating their quirks and personality, and wanting to spend time with them, even in the most mundane moments.
Love can sometimes be filled with highs and lows, passion and drama, but ‘like’ is what helps you enjoy each other’s company on a day-to-day basis.
It’s the factor that helps sustain a relationship through everyday life, the quiet moments, and the challenges.
When you like your partner, you respect them and value their opinions, even if you disagree.
You enjoy their humor, their conversation, and their companionship.
You feel comfortable with them, can be yourself around them, and even enjoy the silence when there’s nothing to say.
Believe me; marriage can get really monotonous and mundane.
Asking if you like your partner enough to spend forever with them helps you assess whether you’ll enjoy your day-to-day life with them, which forms a huge part of marriage.
It’s about envisioning a shared future where you continue to value, respect, and enjoy each other’s company, not just in the exciting moments but also in the ordinary, everyday moments, which, I tell you, make the most of marriage.
This list is in no way exhaustive, but it’s a great place to start.
Take some time to think about it and ask yourself.
The important thing is honesty – with yourself, with your partner, and with your answers.
You may not have the answers to all these questions because, to be honest, you can’t really know who a person is or how they’ll behave.
But as I said, it’s a great place to start.
