Having an affair shouldn’t necessarily result in divorce from the marriage.
Yes, having an affair is all shades of wrong.
However, the aftermath doesn’t have to be bad too.
I know that it might sound chaotic and unreasonable to you now that you’re still trying to get over the shock and heal from the realization that your spouse cheated on you.
But if you’re open and willing to cultivate a bond with your spouse and move on from what has happened, there’s a high chance that your marriage will emerge stronger from the turbulence.
To answer the question – “Can a marriage become stronger after an affair?”… Yes!
Let’s quickly delve into how you can mend your relationship and move on from the ugly event that’s cheating.
How A Marriage Can Become Stronger After An Affair
Can a marriage become stronger after an affair
It’s without saying that your relationship with your spouse has significantly deteriorated and is no longer what it used to be since you discovered that your spouse had an affair (or they found out that you had an affair. You know that having an affair can go either way.)
Are you both willing to seek forgiveness and work past the affair?
If you are, then that’s a great start, but you must know that moving on from being cheated on will take more than just a heartfelt apology.
Just like any other worthy cause, you must put in the work.
So, it’s safe to say that working towards making your marriage stronger after an affair is a labor of love.
It’s up to you and your spouse to make it worthwhile.
- YOU NEED TO BE HONEST WITH EACH OTHER
Can a marriage become stronger after an affair
In your journey to making your marriage stronger after an affair, honesty should be your first point of call.
Both of you need to be honest with each other.
It is the first step you must take if you want to make your marriage stronger after an affair.
Brace yourself to face your spouse and ask difficult questions like:
“Why did you have an affair?”
“What led you to seek intimacy with someone else?”
No matter how difficult and painful these questions may seem, they need to be addressed if you must move past the elephant in the room.
Nothing will change if the cheater is not willing and ready to open up about why they had an affair.
This is where honesty comes in.
Add it to the fact that if the cheater is not completely honest with why they did what they did, it’ll give room for apportioning blame, and that’s not what this is about.
We’re not here for the back-and-forth, guilt-tripping, emotional blackmail, and all the chaos of pushing blame.
You’re both obligated to communicate and be open to each other.
The offender should accept that they’re wrong and talk about why they acted in such a manner.
In the same vein, the offended should give them a listening ear.
- DO NOT DWELL ON THE PAST
Can a marriage become stronger after an affair
Part of the things that will make your marriage stronger after an affair is focusing on the future instead of dwelling in the past.
If you were cheated on, it’s natural for you to be suspicious of your spouse’s every move, overthink things, and generally blame yourself for being cheated on.
Such thoughts will make you doubt everything your spouse tells you, and you’ll assume they’re always telling you lies.
As you know, you need transparency and honesty to rebuild your relationship.
It would be best if you gave your spouse a second chance.
So, whenever your mind starts wandering, and you assume the worst of them, redirect it to think of their efforts to right their wrongs and how committed they are to you and your marriage now.
It can be difficult, given the circumstances surrounding the betrayal.
All you have to do is focus on what you can do today to make every moment better and look forward to what tomorrow holds for you.
- LEARN FROM THE PAST
They say, “Experience is the greatest teacher,” and this is true in some cases.
The experience of being cheated upon does leave a sour taste in the mouth, but there is much to learn from it.
What are the loopholes in your relationship led to this breach of trust?
Fix them!
It is easy to have blind spots in areas of our relationships and marriages.
Still, you need to stop dwelling on the past to build again.
It is also wise to learn from past mistakes so history doesn’t repeat itself.
I have heard that bones, after being broken at a point, once healed, become strongest at the point it broke previously.
This can be true of your marriage, too.
- INTENTIONALLY BUILD TRUST AGAIN
Can a marriage become stronger after an affair
As I mentioned earlier, you need transparency from both parties to rebuild the relationship between you and your spouse.
It is from being transparent with each other that trust finds its way into and gains ground in a relationship again.
Although coming out with accurate details and reasons for the affair is important, living life in such a way that your spouse feels safe and secure with you is more important.
Part of being transparent is being able to answer any questions you may have for each other without bias.
Add that to implementing practical solutions that you both decide will go a long way to help make your marriage stronger.
Also, it would help if you were transparent with your needs.
Be ready to let your spouse in on whatever you feel at every point.
They’ll provide you with the support you need where necessary, which is an excellent way to bond with your spouse.
Furthermore, let them in on your whereabouts and plans.
For instance, let them know if you’re planning a weekend getaway with your friends.
Are you having lunch with friends?
Let them know.
Also, be open to going through each other’s call logs and inbox messages at the end of the day.
Being transparent may seem extreme sometimes, but you have a goal; the goal is to rebuild the wall of trust.
- SEE A THERAPIST TOGETHER
Can a marriage become stronger after an affair
Truth be told if you’re embarking on rebuilding and making your marriage stronger all by yourself, you’ll by no means have it easy.
You might have parallel lines of thought with your spouse, and whenever you both have conversations, they’ll end in arguments and lead to nowhere.
I won’t blame you, though.
The emotions that come with knowing that you were cheated on can be difficult to contain and handle appropriately.
At this point, you’ll need the services of a professional therapist to help you walk through the issues.
I strongly advise that you go through therapy together with your spouse.
The therapist will dig into both your lives and pick out the errors and triggers, bring them to the surface, deal with them, and help you learn to trust your spouse again.
Therapy will help you show up in your marriage and life with a new mindset and approach.
It’ll ready you to take on whatever life throws at you.
Like I said earlier, being cheated on can be a harrowing experience, but it doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage.
If you’re willing, you can understand why the affair happened, address the outstanding issues in your marriage, and work with your spouse to create a loving and secure atmosphere.
