“It is not our purpose to become each other; it is to recognize each other, to learn to see the other and honor him for what he is.” — Hermann Hesse.
Relationships may have been painted to be all about love and intimacy.
In reality, it is about love and honor.
Every relationship requires that you respect each other, even to the most casual of friendships.
Sadly, respect and value are not easily found in most relationships nowadays.
Almost everyone has experienced being undervalued in a relationship or friendship.
The saddest thing is how we feel so stuck in a relationship that affords us little or no respect.
We all desire and deserve to be valued, and when it is absent in our relationships, we are officially entangled in a toxic relationship.
Realizing that you are not valued in your relationship as much as you deserve is the first step to getting the respect you deserve.
However, the disrespect can sometimes be so subtle that you may not even notice it.
So… what are the signs that you are not valued in your relationship?
Come along as we explore the signs you are not valued in your relationship.
8 Obvious Signs You Are Not Valued In A Relationship
- YOUR PARTNER DOESN’T LISTEN TO YOU
signs you are not valued in a relationship
This is one of the saddest things that can ever happen to you in a relationship, and I will show you why.
Listening to your partner is a way of showing how much you respect and admire them.
It shows that you care to hear what they have to say and that their feelings are important to you.
When your partner loves and values you, they not only listen to you, but they encourage you to share things with them.
If you notice that your partner no longer listens to you, it may be a sign that they no longer value you like they used to.
They just seem to talk without caring about your take on what they are saying.
It’s not just a sign of disrespect; it is also a sign of selfishness.
I used to have a friend who always loved to dominate conversations.
She could call you for one hour and spend the entire time talking over you without giving you a chance to get a word in.
The worst part was that whenever she felt like you had done something wrong, she would keep on nagging about it until you are all ragged and weak.
Well, I knew this couldn’t continue.
When respect is no longer served at the table in a friendship or a relationship, and there seems to be no other way to resolve it, it is best you leave the table.
- YOU DON’T FEEL FREE TO EXPRESS YOURSELF
signs you are not valued in a relationship
When your partner consistently displays a reticence to listen to you or even anger at your opinions, you may start feeling reluctant to express yourself.
A healthy relationship is one in which both partners are comfortable expressing themselves and sharing even their most embarrassing thoughts without fear of judgment and unnecessary criticism.
Don’t get me wrong, criticism is not bad in a relationship when it is done the right way.
The right way is that you positively point out those things your partner could have done better without demonizing them.
This would even encourage a higher level of intimacy.
Such a level of vulnerability is experienced in a relationship between people who love and value each other.
However, if you feel uncomfortable being vulnerable or expressing yourself to your partner, the odds are you are not valued in that relationship, and something in your subconscious has already picked up on it.
If there’s no room for open discussion and effective communication in the relationship, then it indicates that your partner doesn’t value you.
It could be the cause of even deeper issues in the relationship.
- YOUR NEEDS ARE IGNORED
In relationships, both partners have needs that are specific to them.
The goal of the relationship is to satisfy these needs.
So, people have needs for companionship, intimacy, emotional support, and several other needs that can only be satisfied by a relationship with another person who loves them.
Your needs must be taken into account in your relationship.
Especially if your expectations are not unrealistic.
I once had a female friend who felt it was normal to need to speak to me about five times every day.
I need to reiterate that she was just a friend.
So, in the beginning, I tried to meet her needs.
She would call, and I would pick up, and for hours, she would just talk about things.
I was doing this to my detriment because I had better things to do with my time, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
At some point, I just had to stop picking up when the calls were too much.
That was when the emotional blackmail began.
She claimed I wasn’t picking up her calls because I didn’t value her.
But she actually didn’t value me because she never considered my need for time to do other things.
She never considered that I needed space.
She blocked me because I told her I had other things to do.
It was such a relief!
Why am I saying this?
You may think your partner isn’t meeting your needs, but maybe they are, and you are the one who isn’t considering their own needs.
You are the one who doesn’t value them if that’s the case.
However, if your reasonable needs for attention, emotional support, and intimacy are unmet in a relationship, it may be because your partner doesn’t value you.
- YOU ARE NEVER A TOP PRIORITY
Do you always feel like you are always playing second fiddle to something or the other in your partner’s life?
Do you feel like your partner doesn’t seem to regard you the same way you regard them?
If this is how you feel, you may be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t value you.
Relationships have ebbs and flows; it is expected to have periods when it seems your partner has other things on their mind.
They probably do.
They also have a life to live, work to do, family to care for, and friends to hang out with.
However, if you always feel like you are in a one-sided relationship with you doing all the work and your partner doing next to nothing, it is a sign that you are not valued in the relationship.
- YOUR PARTNER DOESN’T APPRECIATE YOU
A major sign that your partner doesn’t value you?
They have never appreciated you for anything you have done.
Appreciating your partner is a great way of showing that you see all they do, even the little ones, and you appreciate them.
It is a sign that you value them because they have shown value in the relationship.
If your partner has never appreciated you, it is a silent way of saying that they believe you have never done anything of value for them and, thus, don’t value you.
- YOUR PARTNER CONSTANTLY CRITICIZES YOU
As I said earlier, there is always room for positive criticism in relationships.
However, if your partner never seems to see anything good about any of your actions, it is a sign that they don’t value you.
They always find fault with anything you do, and it is beginning to seem like you can never do anything right.
This is a sign of a toxic relationship in which one partner doesn’t value the other.
It is mentally and physically draining being in a relationship with someone who criticizes everything you do.
The worst part is that they can brutally criticize you anywhere, even in public.
This is an obvious sign that you are not valued in the relationship.
- YOU ARE NEVER INVOLVED IN MAKING CRUCIAL DECISIONS
signs you are not valued in a relationship
Why are you called partners if you don’t get to make crucial decisions together?
If your partner makes crucial decisions in the relationship without consulting you, it is an obvious sign that they don’t value your input in the relationship.
It is a sad sign that your partner doesn’t give enough importance to what you have to say.
They just make decisions and inform you about them later.
For instance, you are married, and your husband decides to accept a job in another state.
To make matters worse, he even arranges to sell the house before informing you.
This is a terrible sign of disrespect, and successful relationships don’t get successful this way.
- THEY ARE ALWAYS ANGRY AT YOU
signs you are not valued in a relationship
Do you feel like your relationship is a warzone littered with landmines?
Do you feel like any slight misstep will lead to a major blowup?
If this is you, I am sad to inform you that you are not valued in that relationship.
If your partner values in a relationship, there are several other ways to express their anger than yelling, cussing at you, and even physically abusing you.
Anyone who results in these extreme expressions of anger obviously doesn’t value you, and it will be best to leave such a relationship when it gets to this stage.
I don’t support remaining in a relationship with someone who is emotionally and physically abusive.
Here are the signs that you are not valued in your relationship.
If you have found yourself ticking the boxes as you read along, it is a sign that you are not valued in your relationship.
What would you do about it?
Stay or leave the table?
The choice is yours.
But if you ask me, I will say you deserve far better than a partner who doesn’t value you.
You deserve….“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow — this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” — Elizabeth Gilbert
You deserve this miracle.
